Fairy Godfather

Hi Graeme, here’s my response to your story:

Feeling Lonely and an Imperfect Coming Out

Welcome to Oz.

Make her an offer she can’t refuse! Oh, and give her this message for me as well.

I’m one of many sage Fairy Godfathers you will encounter, here to sprinkle a few grains of hard-won wisdom and understanding into your blossoming rainbow life.

First up, big gay Amenz! to what your dear Auntie James said.

My particular Fairydust is rather poetic, cinematic, and musical in nature . . . and always flecked with a little humor.

Consider that it has taken you a sizeable amount of time to realize, process and come to an understanding about your own sexuality.

It’s important to understand that it may take the other people in your life a bit of time as well.

A flat reaction at first is better than a negative or violent reaction — people need time to process.

Time, time, time.

“Time, time, time
See what’s become of me
While I look around
For my possibilities
I was so hard to please

Hang onto your hopes my friend

It’s the springtime of your life!

That’s an easy thing to say
But if your hopes should pass away
Simply pretend
That you can build them again

Look around
Grass is high
Fields are ripe
It’s the springtime of my life”

— Hazy Shade of Winter, Simon & Garfunkle

Talking about sexuality is hardly ever comfortable with one’s parents and other relatives . . . but you can hold your own and learn from others who have been successful. (I hope that this and all of the links in my response are helpful, encouraging, and/or a bit of a relief.)

Further on that subject of time . . .

You have been born into interesting times for sure, but nonetheless a favorable moment in which to be young and gay.

Who else but a gay lumberjack would cut a path through the scary gay woods? Click here for more confusion, Chloe.

The main paths through these scary woods have been cleared, and you have many allies (whether you have met them or not) to both guide and accompany you on your journey.

The war is not yet completely won, but momentum and the arc of history are both on our side.

Take some time to learn about gay history; it’s yours to embrace, and for you every bit as relevant and helpful (perhaps more so) than all of the other history your teachers taught you in school.

Accepting that you are gay is just a rest-stop along the road. Once you’ve gotten to the best spot in the road, the one where you’re Proud of being gay, the continuous coming-out process isn’t so much a burden as it is a celebration.

With that in mind, I would encourage you to attend a Pride celebration somewhere in June of this year if you are able.

Gay Pride Calendar

I don’t know what city and country you live in/near, but I can tell you that I’ve enjoyed Pride celebrations in Charlotte, Chicago, New York, and Salt Lake City here in the US and they were all immensely fun and liberating.

There’s probably a joke in this image about bi-sexuals and spinning a wheel . . . but I wouldn’t dare. ;)

All of the Queer™ groups and organizations in your area will be represented there. You can judge for yourself and in person which ones might appeal to you.

Pride is a great opportunity to see the stunning number and variety of our people.

Between now and then, here’s an assignment for you: find just one person you feel comfortable to go along with you to Pride.

A word about films:

Cinema can be inspiring, educational, and entertaining . . . but even the most fly-on-the wall style documentary reveals only a thin slice of life . . . and only from the director/editor/producer’s perspective.

A still from Pride, the most recent film on my short-list of recommendations

Remember that film only reflects life, and rarely does so perfectly.

But, if you expose yourself to enough good films, you can soak-up lots of distilled wisdom and inspiration.

Just don’t rely upon, or get hung-up on, one particular film for your truth.

I examined several different folk’s lists of the best gay films ever; all of them have their strengths and weaknesses.

Fred . . . a new nightmare to consider.

Since I could not pick a favorite list, here is a link to one Really Big List where you can read about many gay films.

I linked my suggestions below to their original theatrical trailers — these depict a wide-range of situations that, maybe collectively, paint a more inclusive picture of gay life as not nearly so picture-perfect as the one in your film.

Likely, you might think many or most to be rather old ones, but I promise they’re good.

Here are my recommendations:

• Boys in the Band
• Pride
• Torchsong Trilogy
• My Beautiful Laundrette
• Jeffrey
• Trick
• Brokeback Mountain
• The Sum of Us

Oh, and another thing. If at all possible, try to develop and maintain your sense of humor about all things gay. Sometimes laughter is just the thing a gay boy needs to get through the day.

Here’s a beautiful UK lad named Daniel to sing us out with a fitting song, I think:

Please consider clicking through the link below to read about a Medium writer (not me) who needs a little help right now:

What Happens When You Break Your Back Against the Wall? Literally.