So, what would you little maniacs like to do first?
Great work, Miles Klee. I never really thought of Blade Runner from a woman’s perspective. It’s true, Deckart isn’t very woke in his treatment of the fairer sex, especially if you consider his job is to murder all of them. It’s film-noir stylings are a conscious throwback, however, to films like The Maltese Falcon and Double Indemnity. As a gay man, I've never had much trouble getting boyfriends or gal-pals to watch my movie choices along with me. Is that due to my homo sensibilities or is it just that my buddies and I are OK with thumbs-up/thumbs-down scenarios?
This new perspective on Ridley Scott’s masterpiece doesn't diminish the film in my eyes. Besides the kind J.F. Sebastian and the caring bond between Pris and Roy Batty, there’s precious little non-rapey tenderness in this story. Nobody’s really happy for very long — that is, depending on which ending you watch and what you think it means. Maybe James Olmos’ creepy character gets lucky with the billboard sushi lady, off-screen, in one of those flying police cruisers?
When I think of Sean Young’s character Rachel, the related images in my mind are her amazing wig, those shoulder pads, and that luxurious fur coat with the stand-up collar. My God! Could it be that Rachel was my first drag queen? No, methinks that must have been Madame Medusa from the 1977 feature The Rescuers.
Was Madame Medusa a nascent version of Ursula the Sea Witch who we all know was prototyped on Divine? Medusa’s alligator sidekicks aren't that far away from Ursula’s moray eel buddies, Flotsam and Jetsam. Which Disney executive was screening John Waters’ films for his creatives when I was in kindergarten? Is this all just a result of James Finn’s post from yesterday stuck in my head? Inquiring minds want to know!
Consider now the “Sexy Born Yesterday” meme. Is that really a heterosexual fanboy thing? I never noticed before.
When I ponder that idea, Kelly Lebrock’s character Lisa from Weird Science fights her way to the front of my brain. Was a smarter, stronger vamp ever born yesterday? Lisa’s certainly no weakling like Rachel. Remember out how she handled Gary’s parents and gave Chet his comeuppance? Make no mistake, Lisa’s just as much a creation of Gary and Wyatt’s as Rachel and the others are of Tyrell (a lonely old queen) . . . but Lisa operates more in the mode of the take-charge Roy Batty than a put-upon Rachel. Maybe Lisa is actually a magical test-tube drag queen with glorious select-a-size titties.
The main reason I love the silly Weird Science isn’t for Lebrock’s sultry screen presence, though it certainly adds to the fun. No, as a card-carrying Kinsey Six, I watch and rewatch this classic for the scantily clad homoerotic young twinks in all their dumb breeder-boy glory. I give hearty props to a dewy young Robert Downy Jr. as a jock/jerk bit player in gym shorts and even a geeky ginger Anthony Michael Hall prior to his going to seed. The crowning glory in this picture, however is the nearly naked Wyatt. Mmmm Wyatt! A thinly-veiled Kelly LeBrock drag queen (in my mind), a pair of mostly nude Adonises and a magical pink Cadillac — those are the makings of a fine faggoty fan-boy flick. And a berserker biker gang. Oh and an ICBM.
Both of these movies fail the Bechdel test of progressive feminist characterization of women in film but I’m not broken up over it. The glorious Katherine Hepburn’s portrayal of Eleanor of Aquitaine in the Lion in Winter flunks too. A Clockwork Orange, my number one film by favorite (oft-labeled misogynist) director Stanley Kubrick couldn't be further from the enlightened ideals of the women’s movement and yet it abides in my heart. Should I do some soul searching?
Fortunately, I also have among my favorites super leading-lady roles in gay classics like Thelma & Louise and Steel Magnolias to bolster my street cred. How about that saucy little scamp Mattie Ross in the Coen brothers’ remake of True Grit. If I were going on the next season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race, I’d go all-in on Mattie Ross for my Snatch Game character — especially if I were an offbeat-showgirl from Seattle!
