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The Rules, Vol I: Condiments & Tea
I don’t make the rules, but if I did . . .
2 min readJun 20, 2019
- All sit-down restaurants must provide condiments in proper serving containers. No paper/foil packets or little plastic tubs allowed. The only exceptions are artificial sweeteners which must be, upon request, provided within those establishments exempt from rule #2.
- If tea is served, iced or otherwise, customers must be allowed to order it pre-sweetened, at the time of brewing, by a skilled craftsman certified in the Art of Tea.
- Any establishment offering freshly brewed coffee most also provide cane sugar, free of charge to its customers, in a proper sugar bowl or quick-pour glass cylinder. Natural dairy cream shall, in a likewise manner, be also provided. Pursuant to rule #1 above, non-dairy substitutes shall be made available by request.
- No person employed in the practice of hospitality shall knowingly refill a patron’s beverage without first establishing eye contact and discerning the patron’s desires in the matter. Willful violators of this rule shall be subject to a terrible and vaguely explained punishment.
- The well-hydrated citizen, necessary to the functioning of a Proper Principality; It shall be deemed a class Q felony to burden a patron with the price of refills of coffee, tea, or fountain beverages…
